35. X-mas Special

I need these "celebrities"/artists and/or overall idiots to stop writing books or they need to DIAF. Who the fuck said it was ok to let everyone/anyone publish a book? No. Nein. FUCK YOU. And not to mention the fact that people actually buy these books... um. yeah. no. Is this a result of fanaticism? I mean, I love my trashy tv and well, I was Snooki for halloween, but will I go and buy "A shore Thing" or "Here's the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore" or "A Beiber Story", ok maybe thats not the title of his book, but I don't really feel like googling it. Anyway, just do everyone a favor and not buy any of these books. [go to barnes and noble and read them, like I'm most likely going to do with the idiotic Danielle Staub's book. That stupid cunt does not need $ so she can go produce another single with her lesbian dj lover/friend.] If Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451's world ever does come true, it will be a result of these fuckers writing shit. IWOULDN'TMINDBURNINGTHESEBOOKS...and then their authors can DIAF along with their creations. KBYE. 

jp$ych0

34. Brian Cashman

Derek Sanderson Jeter's contract ended this season, as most of you are fully aware of. Talks have been circulating between the GM, Mr. Brian Cashman and Jeetsinmysheets. I know Jeter is not in his prime and he definitely just came off probably one of his worst seasons in a yankee uniform, but Jeter is the heart and soul of this ball club and has been for the past 15 yrs. Cashdouche, in an email said, " if Yankees' Captain Derek Jeter could find a better offer than 3 years $45 million, he should Fucking Take It Somewhere Else." ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?! Look the Yankees have pretty deep ass pockets and they are already paying a shit ton of money for stupid AJ burninafire and A-roidy[granted he did play well] BUT YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING TELL ME THAT YOU CANNOT DISH OUT MORE MONEY THAN THAT? This is not just ANY yankee. THIS IS JETER.

CASHMAN YOU'RE A FUCKING SNAKE AND YOU DESERVE TO BE IN SLYTHERIN ALONG WITH MALFOY ... ACTUALLY YOU KINDA LOOK LIKE A CROSS BETWEEN A RAT AND A SNAKE... CANT YOU GO GET A NOSE JOB WITH ALL THAT MONEY ANYWAY?

GO DIAF ASSSSHOLEEEEEE.

- Jpsycho

33. JIAM

In honor of everyone who dressed up as a chilean miner, here is Jpsycho's post Halloween special edition of: 
JIAM [jump in a mine]

A- @L33n@  [represents that idiot coworker who cries about her bf and tells the whole office at what age she lost her virginity. She's also that person who calls in sick to work but is dumb enough to write a status on FB that says she's on a beach, while she has coworkers on her FB...]
B- Bristol Palin, because bitch shouldve left DWTS before Audrina did.
C- Cliff Lee [how the fuck you get slammed with 6 runs in like 4 innings, by the stoner team giants while u were almost perfect during the ALCS. Smh]
D- dirty people [especially a few who think its cool to not cleanse themselves on certain days. Do you eat daily? Yes. Do you go outside everyday? Yes. So, lets be honest. EVERYONE SHOULD SHOWER DAILY TOO.]
E- Entitled bitches who can't wash their own hair.
F- Foolish girlfriends
G- Gucci Mane 
H- Hillbillies in middle America 
I- Incompetent customer service reps
J- too many winners start with the name J [jeter. jayz. me. bmomz]....hmm...so lets make this for Jason Bay.
K- kanye. lets toast to this douche bag by making him #jiam
L- Lazy boyfriends... because you sit on your asses and don't fucking take initiative. use ur head.. or #JIAM!
M- MC Hammer... because he thinks Jay-Z "stole" his swagger... fuck outta herreee <> HOVA<3 
N- NOLAN RYAN [because I love watching Texan's squirrrrm]
O- october [because of post-season... lets. not. talk. about. it.]
P- policemen [fuck the po-po]
Q- QueenZ.. but only sometimes, like when buses stop running at certain times...
R- The Rangers [because they're from Texas]
S- the South, especially after these elections.... JUST FUCKING SECEDE!!!!!
T- The Town [and by "the town" i mean Bawwwwston]
U- Ugly short Tapirs
V- Voldemort, because the antagonist/villain alwayZ dies.
W-weeping tapirs//wall st men
X- xtraterrestrials... get off ma planet.
Y- yellow jackets [fucking hate them with a passion]
Z- ZzZZzzZ [TSG]


this concludes the special JIAM entry. 


love. J

32. SPECIAL EDITION: GO FALL OFF A CLIFF!

Hey Guys... sorry I've been MIA... between post season, students, and birthday celebrations I've been having a ball and no one has rubbed me the wrong way...but I thought it was time for a special edition *YAY*

Cliff Lee  has a fucking 6-0 playoff record and lets not even mention his ERA of 1.44... basically if you divide AJ Burnett's ERA by like 4 you would get Lee's. UGH. LET ME NOT EVEN GET STARTED WITH THAT FUCKER. I MEAN CANT WE JUST MAKE A TRADE ... LIKE ... RIGHT.. NOW? One fucktard/hillbilly/white-trash-"pitcher"-wannabe-from-arkansas for an ACTUAL pitcher from that same fail state? yes. k. thnx.

i need this to happen...

hope you've enjoyed this equation. Also, I hope no one gets offended by the pieta...i'm kinda catholic... so i'm allowed right? whatever...

GO YANKEESS!!!!!!!!!

ps. look forward to the next special edition entry.... #JIAM... because JUMP IN A MINE has become the new DIAF.

much love to my bitches and hoes.

<3Jpsycho<3

31. SARAH fucking PALIN

The Yankees have clinched, so let me start with congratulating my lovely team, because I legit bleed navy and white pin stripes. <3 

Here is a lovely ghost-post:

I am going to preface this by saying that by nature, I am an angry person. I am especially angry when I have to a) wait for more than 15 minutes for a train, b) around idiots, and c) watch the Yankees lose. I guess God finally decided to spite me this weekend, because all three of these things transpired. Despite this, I decided that the week had to get better, so I didn’t tell anyone (or anything) to die in a fire. Until now.

There are few people who make me as angry as Sarah FUCKING Palin. First of all, the woman was grossly unqualified to run for Vice President (20 bucks says she did a strip show for McCain’s senile ass and that convinced him to put her on his ticket), she has an accent that sounds like a Canadian getting raped up the ass by a moose, and she gives Rahm Emanuel, one of the loves of my life, shit for using the word retard. Well I have news for you Sarah FUCKING Palin—you are as retarded as your dumbass kid Trig. What kind of name is that anyway? TRIG? OH WAIT YOU HAVE ANOTHER KID NAMED TRACK? THAT IS EVEN STUPIDER THAN JOBA WHICH I THOUGHT WAS THE DUMBEST FUCKING NAME OF ALL TIME. Anyway, I wish the only reason I wanted this dumb bitch to DIAF was because of her nomenclature system for her little Alaskan spawn. Or because of her idiotic Tea Party (You know what happened in the Boston Tea Party, assholes? SHIT FELL IN THE RIVER. I WANT TO PUSH ALL TEA PARTIERS INTO THE HUDSON RIVER SO THEY GET AIDS AND DIE). No, this was prompted by seeing her dumb ass cheering on “Bristol the Pistol” on DWTS.

Bristol Palin is a grade A retard (whoops, sorry Sarah, didn’t mean to insult you again…oh wait I did). First of all, she let herself get knocked up by Levi Johnston. A joke of a man—he didn’t even show peen in Playgirl. But anyways, bitch wants to do anything for her 15 minutes of fame, so she goes on DWTS. Fine. BUT DON’T THINK THAT YOUR DUMBASS NO-BRAINED MOTHER CAN APPEAR ON MY TV WITHOUT INCURRING MY WRATH. Sarah Palin, what do I really have to say? Of course people boo-ed you. Because you are a dumbass cunt with shit for brains. You are basically a Tea Party prostitute. Why don’t you go fuck Scott Brown somewhere in his home state of Massachusetts and let a fire consume the entire state? That way, we would have two idiots DIAF at the same time, we would get rid of Papelcunt, and we would get rid of the bank robbery capital of the world. In the words of Danielle Staub, BYE.

- DR. B. WALDORF

I mean seriously... someone please teabag that whore and make her DIE IN A FIRE...                   SARAH'mytitsaretoolargetofunction'PALIN

25 -30 Yankee Pitchers/sux-ers/Naggers/MfuckingTA

25. So, apparently I need to make another entry about the MTA. NYMag had this article a couple of days ago [http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2010/09/mta_introduces_video_screens_t.html] called "MTA Introduces Video Screens to Subway". I don't really understand why, "'Customers in a transit environment can expect increasing levels of sophistication in advertising,' a spokesman said. At least this gives people somewhere to fix their gaze when trying to avoid making eye contact with creepy fellow commuters." IS THIS REALLY NECESSARY? Why does the MTA think that putting video screens in stations is a good idea? First of all, there's all this buzz about wanting to increase the price for an unlimited and even restricting the number of rides one can take using an unlimited. Why the fuck is the MTA using our fucking money to make make video screens? Shouldn't they fucking add more trains to increase it's efficiency? We are in an age where most of the population has an ipod, a smart phone, or even an ipad. WHY WOULD ANY COMMUTER WANT TO LOOK AT A FUCKING VIDEO INSTEAD OF GETTING ON A TRAIN QUICKLY AND REACHING THEIR DESTINATION IN A TIMELY FASHION? GOD WHY IS THE MTA SO FUCKING DUMB??!?!?!?!! HALF OF THE PEOPLE COMMUTING IN THE CITY DON'T EVEN SPEAK/READ ENGLISH, SINCE SO MANY FOREIGNERS COME TO VISIT... ARE THEY FUCKING RETARDED? UGH. MTA DIAF. 


26. In my last entry I wrote about people who create fires in their kitchens, by setting pasta on fire and that stupidity astounded me. If that wasn't already bad enough, I was informed that some people don't know how to use microwaves... WHO THE FUCK BURNS MAC AND CHEESE IN A MICROWAVE? there are absolutely no excuses for this. common sense guys. common sense. plate w/metal +mac and cheese + microwave = DIAF!


27.  The redsux deserve to be in this entry because they are the bane of my existence. Am i bitter because the yankees lost to them tonight... absolutely... but do they need to DIAF... YES. papeldouche + big Retardi + Beckett... like... EVERYONE. 


28. JAVIER FUCKING VAZQUEZ! HOW DID YOU EVEN GET TO THE MAJOR LEAGUES? ANYONE WHO HITS THREE CONSECUTIVE BATTERS NEEDS TO 1) NOT BE A YANKEE 2) DIAF!


29. Unfortunately Joba's 25th birthday was yesterday, and after finding out he had a troubled life growing up, since his mom was a drunk and his father was handicapped...I wanted to give him a break... but to be honest... NO WONDER HE FUCKING SUCKS AND GIVES UP HOMERUNS IN RELIEF. GOD! Like i'm sorry, I'm glad you were able to come this far in your career, given where you're from... BUT PLEASE... DIAF!!!!


30. LAST BUT CERTAINLY NOT LEAST: Dear nagging parents... IF I DONT DO SOMETHING ITS BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO.  THE AMOUNT OF NAGGING IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO THE AMOUNT OF RAGE AND THOUGHTS OF STABBING YOU IN THE EYE. I GUARANTEE IF YOU STOP NAGGING... I WILL GET AROUND TO DOING THINGS THAT NEED TO BE DONE. very. fucking. simple. STOP NAGGING... or... DIAF. 

24. PEOPLE/THINGS THAT START FIRES

a) TORNADOES --> WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT TORNADO ON FRIDAY? LIKE REALLY? I don't need Twister coming to reality... it definitely needs to stay in the movie world... DIAF.

b) TERRORISTS [self explanatory]

c) PEOPLE WHO BURN BOOKS--> http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/rnr/1962324423.html
I don't know why i even clicked the "rants/raves" on craigslist, oh right... because I was bored and had applied to all the jobs available, pertaining to what i want to do. Who are you? Like burning a Koran is going to solve anything? NO. DIAF.

d) PEOPLE WHO START FIRES BECAUSE THEY LEAVE THINGS UNATTENDED IN THEIR KITCHEN -->
I know not everyone is a gifted cook, like myself [insert cocky laugh] but shouldn't everyone know how to boil simple foods without having the food actually burn up in flames? I believe so. Google exists for many reasons, so please use it or go buy Cooking For Dummies, or just put that pasta in the pot, and leave it unattended, but this time wait until you're alone and DIAF.

e) dear baltimore orioles... DIAF. you have a reliever named UEHARA.... like UE-HAR-A-LOSER.  dearest criminals [who don't wear yankee fitteds] in baltimore... please find your orioles who have a 59-90 record and are in last place in the Eastern Division... AND BURN THEM IN A FIRE.

- JPSYCHO.

23. John McEn-IDIOT

John McEnroe, also known as Johnny Mac, was really one of the greats during the 80's. He won his fair share of Grand slam titles both as a singles player and a doubles player. I'm not writing this entry to criticize his tennis skills at all, but just because you were once a great master of a particular sport does not mean you can automatically be a great commentator; ie. JOHN McEN-IDIOT

Now, if you're an avid tennis fan, like myself, you must have heard Mr. Johnny MacIdiot commentating on various matches during the US Open, and if you haven't... then you're actually in luck. After hearing some of his comments a dear friend was threatening to inject her own ears with sodium pentathol.  First of all I will use quotation marks, but it may not state shit word for word, but trust me you will get the gist of what McIdiot and some of the other commentators say.

After Youzhny broke Isners serve [John Isner has a ridiculous serve, he's among the leaders in aces/fastest serves etc] J-Mac said, "i hate to say this, but u know what i think? Mono might be contagious... maybe Isner's feeling under the weather because of Roddick". I mean who the fuck says that? Like andy would ever like kiss isner. [ok, i know its not JUST transmitted that way, but still... like WTF] GAH. Another comment made: "we are witnessing two attractive players and a handsome fight here at arthur ashe court" ARE WE WATCHING PORN OR A CAGE BRAWL? i don't get it. And who compares tennis players to baseball players? "pitcher-batter duels... Rafa at second base, Serena at 3rd base, batting cleanup" Was John trying to fucking make a steroid-related joke about Serena? [ha... i mean Serena + steroids = a-rod-esque] UM BUT NO!!!!!!!!!!! I love the idiotic "seagull references"... are you scratching your head? Because I definitely was too... half of the time I'd rather have the matches on mute. WHAT GUYS MAKE COMMENTS LIKE THESE: " LOOK AT HOW MUSCULAR HIS LEGS ARE. THEY HAVE NO HAIR ON THEM..." I DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT HAVING HAIR OR NOT HAVING HAIR ON HIS LEGS SHAS TO DO WITH TENNIS AT ALL WATSOVER. Ok... i'm done. IDIOTS/DOUCHES SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO BE COMMENTATORS.  

JOHNNY McIDIOTdOUCHE... DIAF!

22. Sammi "Sweetheart" & Ronnie "The President of the IFF"

i'm fucked foundation
Season two of the Jersey Shore is even better than the first season, i kid you not. At first I wanted to just include Sammi in this post, but after seeing the "after show" I think this calls for a special edition of DIAF: COUPLES EDITION!

Ronnie- Firstly, if your friends call you the president of the "i'm fucked foundation" there's a problem. If your "bros" are saying you suck and you're treating ur ex gf/girl you come home to every night and "smush" even after swapping spit with some hos in the club, then it must be true. I would have no problem with Ronnie if 1) hadn't lied to Sammi and 2) hadn't called her his gf. Whatevs, he knows he's in the wrong, but no matter what its just gross, especially when his response to "you wanted to have your cake and eat it too" was " i have fat guy tendencies" . yeah. um. DIAF.

Sammi "Sweetheart'- Ok, her nickname on this show is "sweetheart" not "dumbass oblivious idiot". I'm tired of her whining. I'm tired of her approaching everyone in the house about whether or not Ronnie did something, when she FUCKING KNOWS THAT EVERYONE IS BEING SILENT BECAUSE THEY ARE ALSO FRIENDS WITH RONNIE!!!! How can you be THAT DUMB? oh... another person suffering from nocelphaly [see entry talking about people suffering with no brain syndrome].

Honestly, you guys really deserve eachother. Please hold hands and walk towards the darkness as you DIAF!

~ J-POW signing out

21. BROOKLYN "DECK-HER IN THE FACE" RODDICK

Last night Andy Roddick's match literally left me in such a depressed state that I had to turn off my phone, sign off aim, grab another beer from the fridge and watch reality TV until I could finally fall asleep. You may ask yourself, "How does this even differ from your nightly activities?" Ok, fine. I find myself doing most of those things on a nightly basis anyway, but I was too sad to even write about the dipshit named after a NYC borough. Half of the time Brooklyn's face was captured by the cameras, she either looked like she was about to take a shit, or she looked as bored as I would look if I were watching golf. YOUR FUCKING HUSBAND WAS PLAYING IN THE SECOND ROUND OF THE US OPEN, YOU FUCKING CUNT BAG!

I digress, and will now address Andy's fucking rant about the foot fault. Did he need to calm down? Yes he did, because in the end it WAS a foot fault. Now, granted that the lines judge woman heffer was correct about the foot fault, Andy's temper/rant/ comment  "Call 1-800 Rent-a-Ref" was slightly unwarranted [but made me love him even more than I did before, which I thought was nearly impossible], he did have a point, because that dumbass ref should have corrected herself and said it was the other foot, because the way Roddick serves does not allow him to make the infraction with the foot she was attesting to.

It was a very long and sad night for me, but I have faith that Roddick will return to the US OPEN and redeem himself, because I know he still can win it here in NYC. Maybe next year he'll be welcomed with open arms by Queens, after the loser Brooklyn "deck-her" DIAF!

VEINTE

20. IF YOU'RE GOING TO JUMP ON A SPORTS TEAM/INDIVIDUAL'S BANDWAGON, AT LEAST LOOK UP SOME SHIT ABOUT THEM/HIM/HER BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SPEW OUT SHIT THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE. IF YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT AND ARE JUST STARTING TO LEARN ABOUT IT, DO NOT MAKE ERRONEOUS STATEMENTS, JUST TO "BE COOL," BECAUSE PEOPLE LIKE ME ARE GOING TO WISH YOU WOULD DIAF.

17-19. NOCEPHALY TAGGED VERMON

Sorry I've neglected you recently, but I've been quite busy trying to steer clear of stupid ppl and being a good bridesmaid.

17. cuntRag-o
so I'm really confused as to why a certain person thinks we are friends. Just because we drank some shots at a wedding together does not mean we're back to being friends. YEAH UM NO. Also, I was only nice because I promised the bride I would be. LOL. SORRY. I WANT TO BE DRAMA FREEEEE. just diaf.

18. People who were tagged with nocephaly
Nocephaly is a new word my friend came up with when describing someone who unfortunately lack a brain. Yes its a real disease. These people are defective starting from birth. God just wasn't able to make enough brains to give everyone so he tagged the losers with nocephaly. These people should be rounded up and sent to mars so that the rest of us "capable" thinkers can live a fantastic life, without having to deal with people that have nocephaly. Maybe they can be sent to the Sun instead... so they can roast... yeah... DIAF(on the sun)

19. MOSQUITOS
I wish i really could kill all the vermon in this world. Flies, mosquitos, bees [maybe some can stay to make me honey] basically any animal that flies and sticks its filthy fucking stinger into my skin to drain me of blood and leave me with a swollen lifted area needs to DIAF. The only person who should be allowed to bite me is edward cullen or eric from true blood...

14-16. DANIELLE STAUB and some other CUNTz

14. Danielle Staub actually is an atrocious, psychotic human being coke whore who obviously used to be a man. She is the BEST devil tranny ever created by satan. I'm so fucking glad her ass got fired and cannot rejoin the RHONj, because even though she creates SO MUCH drama... i would rather watch a RedSux game than have to hear her goddamn WAHHHz WAAAAHZzzzZ... always crying those crocodile tears... playing the goddamn victim. She can keep doing that coke until her ugly ass nose falls off so her kids are taken away from her [those poor children] ... no wonder her fucking mother didn't want her .... DIAF! [let's bring back Dina.... YAAAAYYYY]

15. PEOPLE WHO END UP BAILING OUT ON PLANS WHEN THEY REALLY COUNT
I'm sorry, but when a friend is in need and you commit to important plans, how can you nonchalantly bail like its nothing? I JUST DON'T GET IT. Once in a blue moon, shit is NOT about you, its about an important event in your friends life. Commitments are commitments, if you can't go through with shit, then don't sign on the dotted line, per say... or GO DIAF.

16. UNRELIABLE/STUPID/COCKY FOR NO REASON/INCOMPETENT COWOKERS
Everyone has/has had at least one. Its just so hard to have to wake up, go to work, and deal with incompetence or a level of maturity equivalent to a 5 yr olds or someone who walks around and thinks they are the shit, when in reality they suck at life and should honestly just give up... and... DIAF.

kthnxbye.

13. George DUBBBYAAAA Bush

Eventhough I harbor a lot of hatred towards our ex president Mr. George "nucular" Bush, I want to let someone else express themselves via my blog: 

Last night, I was watching the best team of all time take on a team that was once owned by the King of Failure, George W. Bush. Not only did I have to suffer through seeing perhaps my least favorite state (we should’ve just let them secede when we had the chance), I also had to see GEORGE W., Satan himself, sitting in the front row with that douchebag smile on his face. Although I hate a lot of people—Jonathan Papelbon, Sarah Palin, Levi Johnston, the new Yankee who hit A-rod in the leg, Justin Bieber, Kanye West, Princesa Cristiano Ronaldo—there is no one that incites rage from me like Georgie (or Shrub, as I have affectionately named him) does.
I used to be afraid to say, “I hope GWB DIAF.” This was primarily because I was scared that if this transpired, Darth Vader (AKA Dick Cheney) would become president and my minority ass would be deported to Canada. But now that we have Barack in the White House, I just have to say GEORGE W. BUSH I HOPE YOU DIAF. If I ever become rich, I will pay some engineer to make me a time machine and I will travel back in time and cockblock George Sr. and Barbara so they can never create you.

- Dr, B, Waldorf

Sorry georgie, Cliff Lee unfortunately was pushed over the cliff by his whole team, after pitching great [11 strikeouts] and having a commanding lead. #BULLPENFAIL. TOO BAD. 

YANKSWIN.

- JPSYCHO

12. PEOPLE WHO DON'T MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS

Why are people so damn nosey? This can apply to many people, but I'm going to talk about my nosey ass neighbors. They are always trying to see who's coming into my house, or why I'm outside tanning, or who my dad is talking too in the backyard... OBVIOUSLY my dad responds to my " ew... why are they so nosey all the time" [after they ask my dad who he was talking to... because they couldn't understand since they were speaking spanish] "its good have neighbors that care and look out for when no one home" First of all... my dad needs to fucking learn english, and second of all WHY THE FUCK DID MY NEIGHBORS KNOW THAT MY DAD WAS SPEAKING IN SPANISH UNLESS THEY HAD BEEN LISTENING INTENTLY... umm.... JESUS GO GET A MOTHERFUCKING LIFE. I know that people in general are nosey and love gossip and shit, but please... if someone doesn't tell you something maybe its because that person doesn't want you to know. Stop trying to ask. DIAF.

11. People Who Cut A Line

This is actually one of my biggest pet peeves. If there is a line formed, what the hell makes you think you are so high and mighty that everyone should let you cut in line? No, I'm sorry. YOU ARE NOT. Now I do have some exceptions to this rule... like maybe mentally handicapped people who cannot understand the concept of what a line is, or maybe a pregnant lady who's water broke, and old people too i guess. Also, please remember to be nice to people who let you cut in line, especially those old people who think its just a given... because its not. And to everyone else who cuts in line, due to their impatience or because they are late to work... suck it up and wait your turn or DIAF.

6-10. [my very ADD entry]

After a very fun weekend I didn't really want to taint it with hate... but hey, there are always stupid people who need to be removed from the world, or at least from my vicinity.


Here are some people I would like to add to the DIAF list, because they wronged my loved ones:

6. If you work at Mc.D's you should be able to remember to give a drive thru customer a happy meal in it's entirety, aka along with the happy meal toy. My friend SB has every right to get his happy meal toy because  A) He paid for it and B) because he has to deal with his other half. SO... LADY AT THE DRIVE THRU MC.D's... DIAF! 

7. Slavery went out of style a LONG ass time ago, so please whether you are white, hispan, brown, yellow... whatever the fuck you are... if you're a slaveowner.... DIAF. Learn to do shit for yourself.

8. I'm sure everyone has come across someone who wreaks. I would like to let the world know that its not cool to not shower. We are not in a country where it is difficult to get access to water. I'm also sure that in most poverty stricken nations people bathe, even if it is in a fucking bank or a river. How can one not shower after stepping foot into a subway, touching hand bars/poles, working all day, sitting on restaurant chairs, and just exposing your body to toxins in the city air [i mostly mean nyc air, but w/e]? Showering in perfume is not acceptable. DIAF.


THE REST ARE PURELY FOR ME:
After a 4 game series against the Redsux, how could I not write about them? The Yankees had a decent series, since they came out winning two, but so did the Redsux. Do I want the whole Redsux team to DIAF... ABSO-fucking-LUTELY, but if I had to choose three I would choose PAPELBITCH, BIG RETARDI and SYPHYLIS[this is my nickname for youkilis, but since he's on the disabled list, I'll leave his ugly ass beard alone... aka I won't make a photoshopped picture of him this time]. 


9. JONATHON PAPELBON aka PAPELBITCH... he is the devil. Why do I hate him? Because just like the rest of the redsux team he is a masshole and I mean... come on... his nickname is "Pap"... LIKE REALLY? Oh wait... here are two other nicknames... "Nasty P" and "cinco ocho" ...? UM.... He's probably really a fucking bitch who goes and gets a pap smear done everytime he takes it up the ass from youkilis, aka syphylis. wateveR... he struck out a handful of guys in game 1 and 4, and maybe thats why I'm so goddamn bitter... BUT AT LEAST MY NICKNAME AIN'T PAP... GO DIAF.

Oh... and on top of everything... papelbitch's dog ate "BOSS" apparently chewed up the ball that recorded the final out of the 2007 World Series.... EVEN HIS FUCKING DOG THINKS HE'S A FUCKING LOSER. GG.

10. DAVID ORTIZ aka BIG PAPI... more like BIG RETARDI 
I REALLY HATE THIS MAN. I wish that MASSHOLES aka BOSTON REDSUX FANS would stfu about A-ROD's steroid use... because... oh.. wait... was big retardi trying to get a witttle bit bigggerr... YES. GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. Big Retardi's career is basically as tarnished as A-rod's 600 [well 601 as of now] homeruns are. GO CHOKE ON A DICK AND DIAF. 

5. KANYE WEST

"I can relate to what you're saying in your songs so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed..."

OK those lyrics really have no relevance to this post, but after one of those really-no-good-shitty-ass days... I listened to Eminem and I just felt like writing that just for my own sanity.

Now it's time to talk about a person who already lost his sanity a long time ago...
Kanye Omari West started tweeting 6 days ago, and I started following him last night, because I wanted to see how ridiculous his tweets would be. I woke up and read this tweet by him: "Twit pic acting up ... I wanna bless yall with this hotel view but it wasn't meant to be I guess" ALL I COULD THINK WAS: THANKS KANYE FOR TRYING TO  MAKE ALL OF YOUR POOR FOLLOWERS FEEL JEALOUS OF YOUR VIEW/LIFESTYLE... and then later on today I was reading nymag and I stumble upon an article titled: "What Did It Cost to Be Kanye This Week?" [Here's the link: http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2010/08/the_cost_of_being_kanye.html?imw=Y&f=most-viewed-24h5] Basically, in the past  six days he has spent a Total: $87,451.55 (or atleast that is what was documented via his twitpics/tweets]. Oh, wait... no MY BAD... this includes $2495 for the diamonds that replace the bottom row of teeth in his mouth... oh. ok. UM....

KANYE WEST NEEDS TO FIRST GET HIT IN THE MOUTH [by me, because I have a lot of anger inside of me at this moment in time] SO ALL HIS DIAMONDS FALL OUT... NEXT I NEED TO HEX HIM WITH THE IMPERIUS CURSE AND MAKE HIM SAY "I LIKE FISH-STICKS, I'M A GAY FISH!" over and over again.... LASTLY I WOULD GLADLY PUSH HIM INTO A FIRE, WHILE HE CONTINUES RECITING "I'M A GAY FISH" IN AUTOTUNE. KANYE, PLEASE DO ME AND TAYLOR SWIFT A FAVOR AND DIAF, SO YOU CAN LEAVE ALL YOUR MONIE$$$ TO AS MANY CHARITIES AS POSSIBLE... OK NO, JUST ONE CHARITY: THE "I ACTUALLY GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE[UNLIKE KANYE] FUND BUT I AM UNEMPLOYED AND BROKE" BECAUSE I KNOW THAT MY ASS WOULD USE HIS MONEY IN MORE PRODUCTIVE WAYS LIKE BUY A LIFE SUPPLY OF JOHNNIE, A PUPPY, A LOT OF SNEAKERS [FOR THE PRICE OF A PAIR OF LANVIN HIGH-TOPS: $1,195], NAIL POLISHES, PLANE TICKETS AROUND THE WORLD TO VISIT FRIENDS/FAMILY/ASIA/EUROPE/etc., A SHIT TON OF SILLY BANDZ, SEASON TICKETS TO SEE THE YANKS [BOX SEATS OBVIOUSLY]...

-JfuckingPSYCHO

4. GUYS [USUALLY MEXIS] WHO WHISTLE AS THEY DRIVE PAST YOU

I should have just stayed home today...

I mean really, thanks for the whistles and the "hey mamis" but they really aren't necessary. Normally I wouldn't even hear the whistle or honk or w/e, but on that off chance that I'm going crazy with my "next" button on my ipod because I'm searching for the perfect song on shuffle... Only then do I hear these remarks.

Guys, please stfu and DIAF.

Oh and whoever is fucking responsible for making the schedules for the Q31, DIAF! I waited 30 minutes for one, and I kid you fucking not, 7 Q27's passed by. If I were waiting for a Q27 I would not be complaining, but yeah. FIX THAT SHIT NOW or DIAF.

3. GIRLS WHO DRAW THEIR EYEBROWS AND/OR MOLES ON THEIR FACES

I think the title of this post is self-explanatory.

GO DIAF.

2. THE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS OUTSIDE MY HOUSE

Since I am unemployed, I choose to do absolutely nothing with my days, and by nothing I mean watch a shit ton of tv/movies/occasionally read & tan. Since most of my day is spent on my couch, I don't really get tired easily, hence my usual bedtime is from 2-4am. Normally, this would not be a problem, but every single fucking morning these construction workers wake me up at 8am. I guess I really shouldn't complain too much, since well, I normally average 5-6 hrs of sleep a night anyway, but they are only letting me get about 4 hours of sleep. There are two solutions: 1) go to bed earlier or 2) MAKE THEM DIAF!!!!! Yes, the latter sounds much more appealing.

Also, to add to the noise of the damn drilling, and hammering, and sawing and all that fucking bullshit.... today the mexis are also over mowing the fucking lawn. WHY DOES GOD SPITE ME? OH, maybe because I chose to start writing this blog.... WATEVER. MEXIS, GO DIAF!!!!! ok, no... I take that back, because I do need you to mow my lawn.

-JPsycho

1. AJ BURNETT

When I woke up, the Yankees, also known as the bronx bombers, the most epic baseball team out there, were still in first place, even though they lost 2 out of 3 games to the stupid devil rays [don't even get me started on those fuckers who are named after creatures who are as flat as pancakes and don't serve any purpose at all whatsoever] ... now, due to the undeniable fact that my least favorite Yankee starter pitched today, MY YANKEES ARE NOW TIED FOR FIRST PLACE TO THE DEVIL *AYS. Therefore:

DEAR AJ BURNETT,
go back to Arkansas and first BURN off all your nasty-ass, white-hick tattoos, then maybe you should sit in lighter fluid and contemplate why your last name includes the word burn in it. Is it an allusion to your death? yes, I believe so. GO DIAF.

Speaking of failure in baseball, let me address the Boston Redsux and their 6-5 loss to the Cleveland Indians, who mind you, are last in the central division. I will refrain from going too in depth about the amount of hatred I have for the Redsux, let me just state that every single one of them should DIAF. Not tomorrow, or next week, but RIGHT NOW.

Ah, speaking of [w]right...the failMets also lost today, no not at shittyfield, but at turnerfield. GO BRAVES! haha. I really don't ACTUALLY care about the mets... except I think Reyes should semi-diaf just to alleviate the pain my eyes feel whenever I have to see that Hispanic rat with braids if I accidentally flip the channel, or whenever the Mets play the Yankees.

Ok, I must digress, since my whole existence does not revolve around baseball [ok it may revolve around the Yankees and sparkly Vampires]... CAN I PLEASE JUST STATE THAT STUPID PARENTALS SHOULD ALSO DIAF. No, i do not wish to elaborate on the previous statement, but I'm sure that will happen soon enough, and I'm also fairly certain I am NOT the only person who feels this way. Sure its a constant struggle, but LEAVE ME ALONE OR DIAF. kthanks.

-J.PSYCHO